edit whousestor a little. (e3441b3ef) - tor-webwml.git

en/whousestor.wml

@@ -9,17 +9,18 @@
 <hr />
 
 <p>
-This page is still under construction; please <a href="<page
+We're still writing this page; please <a href="<page
 contact>">send us</a> your fixes, comments, and stories!
 </p>
 
 <p>
-One of the challenges in explaining the various ways people use Tor
-is that the whole point of Tor is anonymity: when it succeeds, nobody
-notices, and publishing success stories about how people or organizations
-are staying anonymous can be counterproductive. For example, we talked
+Tor provides anonymity: when it succeeds, nobody notices.  This is
+great for users, but not so good for us, since publishing success
+stories about how people or organizations are staying anonymous could be
+counterproductive.
+As an example, we talked
 to an FBI officer who explained that he uses Tor every day for his work
-investigating sites on the Internet &mdash; but he quickly followed up
+&mdash;but he quickly followed up
 with a request not to provide details or mention his name.
 </p>
 
@@ -29,42 +30,42 @@ we've done our best to anonymize them when appropriate.
 
 <hr />
 
-<h2>People like you use Tor every day to...</h2>
+<h2>People use Tor every day to...</h2>
 
 <ul>
-<li>...protect their privacy from marketers</li>
+<li>...protect their privacy from unscrupulous marketers</li>
 
 <p>Anonymity helps defeat marketing that doesn't have your permissions.
 There are all kinds of unscrupulous marketing techniques that track your
-activity through cookies, web bugs, and malware by using your IP address
+activity
 to build marketing databases, often selling your private information
-without your permission.  Tor helps defeat many of these violations
+without your permission.  Tor, used appropriately,
+helps defeat many of these violations
 of your privacy.</p>
 
-<li>...preserve their kids' safety online</li>
+<li>...protect their children online</li>
 
 <p>&ldquo;I'm proud my mom and dad let me stay alone at home now.&rdquo;
 You've told your kids they shouldn't share personally identifying
 information online, but they may be sharing their location simply
-by not concealing their IP address from predators.  Increasingly, IP
+by not concealing their IP address.  Increasingly, IP
 addresses can be literally mapped to street locations, and in the US the
-government is pushing to get this mapping closer and closer to your
-street address.  What if a predator heard your child was alone, and
-called up the satellite view of your address to find the best approach
-from the back of the property?</p>
+government is pushing to get this mapping closer and closer to 
+street addresses.
+</p>
 
 <li>...research sensitive topics</li>
 
-<p>There's a wealth of information available online.   Perhaps, in your
+<p>There's a wealth of information available online.   But perhaps in your 
 country, access to information on AIDS, birth control, Tibetan culture,
-or world religions may be restricted inside a national firewall.
-Or perhaps you are afraid that if you research a particular set of
-symptoms, at some later date an insurance company could establish that
-you had suspicions of a pre-existing condition.  Want to research airline
-security statistics or animal rights without the risk that your national
-security authorities are going to think you are a terrorist? </p>
+or world religions is behind a national firewall.
+Or perhaps you are worried that if you research a particular set of
+symptoms, at some later date an insurance company might buy the 
+logs of the websites you visited and establish that
+you had suspicions of a pre-existing condition.
+</p>
 
-<li>...find out how other folks live</li>
+<li>...see how the rest of the world lives</li>
 
 <p>Tor allows you to see the World Wide
 Web from a different perspective.  Want to see Google come up in Polish?
@@ -90,7 +91,7 @@ jailed or harmed journalists all over the world.</p>
 <li>IBB/Voice of America/Radio Free Europe/Radio Free Asia</li>
 
 <p>The US <a href="http://www.ibb.gov/">International Broadcasting
-Bureau</a> is supporting Tor development Internet users in countries
+Bureau</a> supports Tor development Internet users in countries
 that can't get
 safe access to free media.  Tor not only protects freedom of expression,
 but preserves the ability of persons behind national firewalls or under


...	...	@@ -9,17 +9,18 @@
9	9	<hr />
10	10
11	11	<p>
12		-This page is still under construction; please <a href="<page
	12	+We're still writing this page; please <a href="<page
13	13	contact>">send us</a> your fixes, comments, and stories!
14	14	</p>
15	15
16	16	<p>
17		-One of the challenges in explaining the various ways people use Tor
18		-is that the whole point of Tor is anonymity: when it succeeds, nobody
19		-notices, and publishing success stories about how people or organizations
20		-are staying anonymous can be counterproductive. For example, we talked
	17	+Tor provides anonymity: when it succeeds, nobody notices. This is
	18	+great for users, but not so good for us, since publishing success
	19	+stories about how people or organizations are staying anonymous could be
	20	+counterproductive.
	21	+As an example, we talked
21	22	to an FBI officer who explained that he uses Tor every day for his work
22		-investigating sites on the Internet — but he quickly followed up
	23	+—but he quickly followed up
23	24	with a request not to provide details or mention his name.
24	25	</p>
25	26
...	...	@@ -29,42 +30,42 @@ we've done our best to anonymize them when appropriate.
29	30
30	31	<hr />
31	32
32		-<h2>People like you use Tor every day to...</h2>
	33	+<h2>People use Tor every day to...</h2>
33	34
34	35	<ul>
35		-<li>...protect their privacy from marketers</li>
	36	+<li>...protect their privacy from unscrupulous marketers</li>
36	37
37	38	<p>Anonymity helps defeat marketing that doesn't have your permissions.
38	39	There are all kinds of unscrupulous marketing techniques that track your
39		-activity through cookies, web bugs, and malware by using your IP address
	40	+activity
40	41	to build marketing databases, often selling your private information
41		-without your permission. Tor helps defeat many of these violations
	42	+without your permission. Tor, used appropriately,
	43	+helps defeat many of these violations
42	44	of your privacy.</p>
43	45
44		-<li>...preserve their kids' safety online</li>
	46	+<li>...protect their children online</li>
45	47
46	48	<p>“I'm proud my mom and dad let me stay alone at home now.”
47	49	You've told your kids they shouldn't share personally identifying
48	50	information online, but they may be sharing their location simply
49		-by not concealing their IP address from predators. Increasingly, IP
	51	+by not concealing their IP address. Increasingly, IP
50	52	addresses can be literally mapped to street locations, and in the US the
51		-government is pushing to get this mapping closer and closer to your
52		-street address. What if a predator heard your child was alone, and
53		-called up the satellite view of your address to find the best approach
54		-from the back of the property?</p>
	53	+government is pushing to get this mapping closer and closer to
	54	+street addresses.
	55	+</p>
55	56
56	57	<li>...research sensitive topics</li>
57	58
58		-<p>There's a wealth of information available online. Perhaps, in your
	59	+<p>There's a wealth of information available online. But perhaps in your
59	60	country, access to information on AIDS, birth control, Tibetan culture,
60		-or world religions may be restricted inside a national firewall.
61		-Or perhaps you are afraid that if you research a particular set of
62		-symptoms, at some later date an insurance company could establish that
63		-you had suspicions of a pre-existing condition. Want to research airline
64		-security statistics or animal rights without the risk that your national
65		-security authorities are going to think you are a terrorist? </p>
	61	+or world religions is behind a national firewall.
	62	+Or perhaps you are worried that if you research a particular set of
	63	+symptoms, at some later date an insurance company might buy the
	64	+logs of the websites you visited and establish that
	65	+you had suspicions of a pre-existing condition.
	66	+</p>
66	67
67		-<li>...find out how other folks live</li>
	68	+<li>...see how the rest of the world lives</li>
68	69
69	70	<p>Tor allows you to see the World Wide
70	71	Web from a different perspective. Want to see Google come up in Polish?
...	...	@@ -90,7 +91,7 @@ jailed or harmed journalists all over the world.</p>
90	91	<li>IBB/Voice of America/Radio Free Europe/Radio Free Asia</li>
91	92
92	93	<p>The US <a href="http://www.ibb.gov/">International Broadcasting
93		-Bureau</a> is supporting Tor development Internet users in countries
	94	+Bureau</a> supports Tor development Internet users in countries
94	95	that can't get
95	96	safe access to free media. Tor not only protects freedom of expression,
96	97	but preserves the ability of persons behind national firewalls or under
97	98